NBA Vs NHL Playoffs: A Brutally Honest Comparison

With all due respect to Jim Mora—playoffs?!—the ‘real’ season starts this week in both the NBA, and the ninth major...hockey.  
 
Time to fire up the clichés: 
‘We don’t care who we play’, 
‘We’re not just happy to be in the playoffs’, 
and whatever lame catchphrase the 12th man scrub on some basketball team dreams up, before he prints up t-shirts for the squad, in the hopes of banking some extra nickels should the team catch fire, and the city want that crappy piece of merchandise.  
(Good Example: ‘Threepeat’, Bad Example ‘If it ain’t ruff it ain’t right’).  
 
We’re six to eight weeks away from waiting for college football to start—err crowning this year’s champions in the NBA and NHL—so which playoffs is better?  
 
Eddie Shore is here to help spell it out*.
*It was either that or do taxes, and I’ll still have plenty of time.

 
Tradition

NHL: Playoff beards. No one touching the conference championship trophy. And baiting the other team to get in a fight for a precious power play.

NBA: Tracy McGrady losing in first round. The NBA burying at least one entire series on the NBA network. And TNT’s 30 games in 30 nights tired promotion.
 
Winner:  NHL

How much does the playoffs mean to Orlando? Remember that epic run by the Cavs? OR, cue up the runs of the Bruins, Canadians, and Penguins?  I can’t remember, who throws an octopus on the field of play, the Raptors or Detroit?
 

TV Coverage

NHL: Some network in the 3000s called VS, with programming timed in-between high-def Bullriding, and rockclimbing. Also some local high school AV clubs.

NBA: ESPN, ESPN2, ABC, TNT, just off the top of my head.
 
Winner:  NBA

This is like a bunch of pro ballers playing the dorks from gym class, including the guy who plays in jeans. While 80 percent of America doesn’t even know hockey’s season has started, I think the NBA had a TV show to announce it’s TV sked.  

 
Stars

NHL: Crosby, Ovi, and that’s apparently it, according to the commissioner’s office. You’re right Gary von Gary. Boston has no stars (except maybe the Norris winner). Rick Nash doesn’t exist (except he’s sweet).  

Syd the kid doesn’t play with anyone decent (except an MVP candidate), and Detroit’s all-star roster has been a fluke (except for winning cups and awards).

NBA: Kobe, Bron-Bron, D-Wade, to name a billion.
 
Winner:  NBA

Even if you mistakenly come across a hockey broadcast, guess who’ll you’ll see at commercial breaks?  NBA player.

 
Competition

NHL: Eight great matchups and teams that are better, BUT, it's not uncommon for a team to catch lightning (and a hot goalie) in the bottle and make a run.

NBA: Hmm, will Boston, Cleveland, or Orlando play the Lakers? Four out of 16 teams? Why even bother? Yawn.
 
Winner: NHL

The best top to bottom playoff of any sport. And it doesn’t have to be your team to warrant a good game. NBA? Houston and New Orleans? Uh-huh.

 
Celebrity Star Power

NHL: Uh, Barry Melrose?  Don Cherry? And the token ‘former’ star player in every city (Messier, Yzerman, Lemiuex, etc.) that VS will show to reflect the reach of hockey.

NBA: Everyone else. Movie Stars. And Magic Johnson at least one time too many (when the media slaps will also mention he went to MSU). 
 
Winner: NHL

The NBA cleans the NBA’s clock, but then again, who cares if Tobey McGuire is there? I don’t go to games cuz Spike Lee is there.  Just like I don’t go to his movies cuz he’s Spike Lee.

 
Trophy

NHL: Best trophy ever.

NBA: A golden ball on the edge of a rim. 
 
Winner: NHL

The next time an athlete tells a story about christening his baby in the NBA trophy, then feeding his dog out of it, then taking it to a stripper, and then boozing whiskey out of it (all in the same night), I might listen.  Lord Stanley rules.
 
 
Overall Winner

NHL, but since no one knows if they’re even on TV, I guess the NBA will take the title. Unsatisfying?  So is the BCS, deal with it.
 
See you in six weeks, Lakers and Red Wings.
 
 
 
For more Eddie Shore, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (real guys holding sports accountable in their own way).