Breaking News: Salim Valji Hired as Edmonton Oilers GM

This is a press conference that will happen at some point soon, but why not get a sneak peak right now?  Assume that the organization is in the exact same position that it is in today, so in other words, nothing's changed in the past decade.    

Oilers Owner Daryl Katz:  Good afternoon members of the media, and supporters of the Edmonton Oilers.  We have a special announcement here today, and one that will immensely shift the direction of this franchise going forward.  This is a proud organization, and one that has won Stanley Cups in the past.  Those days, as many fans know, are long behind us. We must move forward and adapt to the present-day game and business the National Hockey League has become .  

This team has been a disappointment for far too long, however we are very confident the new man in charge will lead this team and city back to the championship calibre levels that were present so long ago.  Without further adieu, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the man who will lead this franchise into the future, the new General Manager and President of Hockey Operations for the Edmonton Oilers, Salim Valji.

What Mr. Valji brings is a new way of thinking, and a new perspective on how to build a hockey team.  Having extensive experience as both a journalist and a player representative, he has seen the game from different angles, and can speak from multiple perspectives.  

Perhaps the most intriguing quality Mr. Valji brings is that he grew up a fan of the team, and knows the temperature of this city better than anyone else.  He is young, and brings different ideas to how a franchise should run; and we have complete faith that he will be the man to bring back the City of Champions.  

I would now like to invite him to say a few words and answer questions.

Salim Valji:  Thank you Mr. Katz.  Let me start off by saying how privileged I am to be taking this position.  I grew up a fan of the team, and to have the opportunity to lead it is nothing short of an honour.  What I bring to the table is a new way of thinking about the game, and one that will yield results.  I have experience in both journalism and player representation, and will use those skills to turn this organization around.  

This right now is a failed franchise, one that is doing no service to its fans.  The problem lies with the business plan on which the organization is built on.  I'm here to change that, and will turn this team around much quicker than most people believe.  Get excited Oilers fans, your prison sentence is over.  I will now answer any questions.  

Ryan Rishaug:  Salim, Ryan Rishaug from TSN.  Why should fans have faith in you?

Salim Valji:  Oilers fans should have faith in me because I am going to remake this organization from top to bottom.  I think many people feel that Steve Tambellini took over Kevin Lowe's agenda, and that Tambellini didn't really put his signature on the franchise.

It will be the exact opposite with me.  Clearly whatever methods used so far have resulted in zero success and limited progress.  I bring a completely new way of thinking, one that hasn't been seen before in the National Hockey League.  I am not a member of any old boys' club, and my ideas will lead to success.

Dan Tencer:  Salim, Dan Tencer here from 630 CHED radio station.  Can we expect to see much roster turnover between now and next season?  Also comment on the status of coach Tom Renney. 

Salim Valji:  I have not determined that yet.  Obviously we have a few young players in Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle that you would traditionally build a franchise around, but like I said, this is a new way of doing business, so no one and nothing is untouchable.  As far as coaching goes, I have a great deal of respect for Tom and the work he's put in here; and I can't think of a better man to mentor the young players right now than him.  He will coach out the remainder of his contract, and we'll take things from there.  

Jim Matheson:  Salim, expand on this new way of thinking.

Salim Valji:  It will rely on statistical analysis of everything.  If I make a trade and someone asks me why, I will be able to pull out a few numbers that justify it from our position.  There's a reason why the Oakland Athletics were able to win over 100 games with an extremely limited budget, and there's a reason why the New England Patriots, in spite of a salary cap, were still able to build a dynasty.  

We will apply similar methods, and those methods are expanded on in the books Moneyball and The Blueprint.  If you talked to the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies and presented them a business plan that included the idea of tanking for a few seasons and then hoping that everything falls into place, they'd laugh at you.  I have a business plan for this franchise that will not get us laughed at.  

Mark Spector:  Hey Salim, it's Mark Spector from Sportsnet and Spector's Hockey.  You're the youngest General Manager in North American pro sports history.  What do you attribute your success too?

Salim Valji:  I'd have to say the biggest factor has been the quality of people I've been lucky enough to surround myself with.  From my days at Aurora Charter School, through high school at Jasper Place High School, Grant Macewan University and everything after that.  The people in my life have been tremendous, and very supportive and encouraging.  I've had this dream since I was 13 years old, and accomplishing things with people rooting for you is a hundred times easier.  This is every bit their accomplishment as mine.

Darren Dreger:  Darren Dreger of TSN.  Is this franchise still in rebuild mode, and if so how long is the rebuild expected?

Salim Valji:  I'm sorry?

Darren Dreger:  Are the Edmonton Oilers still rebuilding under your management?

Salim Valji:  I'm sorry Darren, I'm not familiar with that term 'rebuild.'  If by rebuild you mean 'tank a few years, accumulate top-five draft picks and hope that everything comes together,' no we are not nor will ever be rebuilding.  That is the type of attitude that failed franchises, such as this one, have and it does not lead to the type of success I'm going for.  

We want sustained success, and each and every year, fans can be assured that we will fight to the bone for a playoff spot and the Stanley Cup.  The days of "fall for Hall" and "Hoping for Hopkins" are long, long gone.  Rebuild is the battle cry for failures, and this franchise will not be a failure any longer.  

Rob Tyhckowski:  Salim, it's Rob from the Edmonton Sun.  How long have you had this dream, and explain some of the struggles you overcame in reaching this point.

Salim Valji:  I was 13 years old when I knew this was what I wanted to do.  I think I was looking at a hockey magazine, and there was a picture of Kevin Lowe at the Oilers draft table, with Lowe on the phone.  I looked at that picture for a good few minutes, and then I realized that I wanted to be the man in charge of this franchise.  I still have that picture, and it reminds me that until we have a few Stanley Cup rings, I am far from reaching my goal.

In terms of struggles, well I never played a minute of ice hockey; which obviously made it more difficult making it into the game.  But where there's a will there's a way, and the number of rejections I got earlier on just made me work harder, and here I am today.  I'm thankful for both knowing what I've wanted since I was 13, as well as having the determination to complement those dreams.  

Michael Farber:  Salim, Michael Farber here from Sports Illustrated.  What can fans expect to see from this team moving forward?

Salim Valji:  Well, Oilers fans are idiots first of all, and I am as well.  We were idiots for accepting the steady stream of BS fed to us by Kevin Lowe and Steve Tambellini about the rebuild and the joys of a top-five pick.  Fans will see a team that will fight for a playoff spot, and fight for the Stanley Cup. Anything less than that will be unacceptable.  As I said earlier, we will fight for every single win we can get, and the days of a losing environment are history.   

Daryl Katz:  That concludes todays conference. Rest assured, under Mr. Valji's guidance we will be soon having another conference to announce where the Stanley Cup parade will be.  Thank you and have a good night.  

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